April 20, 2008

• In a month, I'll be living elsewhere;
  Paying less on an investment
  instead of more to a landlady.

  I look back on the past twelve months and ask
  myself if anything has really changed.
  Perhaps my surroundings, but as for myself,
  not nearly as much as I would have hoped
  twelve months ago.

  I own more camera equipment.
  I own another guitar.
  I own more kitchen miscellany than I know how to cook with
  (though I am getting better).

  Maybe that should be enough for me.
  I learned that I can stay on top of bills,
  go thirty-six hours without sleep
  (more than once in a week),
  and travel when I would like based on my work.

  But I still feel like I haven't grown up,
  And I still feel like I'm not doing what I am supposed to.

  All around me, people are getting married,
  finishing school, moving to New York
  and Los Angeles to pursue careers in writing, filmmaking, photography...

  I am still here. And because I love someone, I won't leave.

  And neither will she, but she has done all of those things already.
  I would like to. At least, I think I would like to.

  It's hard to take even a small step away from a good thing, fought so fiercely for.

  Maybe I'll finish this later.

  • 4:55 pm
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